If there's one thing I learned last month, it's that we have to face our fears---head on. When we don't, God has a way of helping us bring those fears out into the light. Since Fernando's passing, one of my fears was going inside a hospital. I feared everything about it--the sounds, the distinct hospital smell, the emotions it brought up.
It was a quiet fear that I did not know was even there until last month. My sister had surgery and I couldn't muster the strength to go visit her, even though it was at a different hospital than the one where Fernando passed away. I felt so bad. I was letting the fear paralyze me. But like I said, God wants us to face our fears. The following week, my mom had to be rushed to the hospital because she was having trouble breathing. Ironically, she was taken to the same hospital, the same building, and just one floor down where Fernando passed. This time, I wasn't going to let fear stop me. I had to be there for her.
Driving to the hospital was hard. I remembered all those times when that was my daily drive. I pulled up to the parking garage and sat in my car. It was the same parking garage where I had cried countless of times. I never wanted Fernando to see me cry, so the parking garage was my spot.
I started playing my worship music and started to pray. I prayed that God would give me the strength I needed that day. Right then and there, I was reminded that it's not by my own strength that I'm able to do things, but through His. I was also reminded that it has been through his strength alone that not only have I been able to "get by" these past two years, but I've been able to thrive and live joyfully after unimaginable loss.
He gives us the strength to accomplish things we never thought we could. He doesn't want us to get by on our own, He wants us to count on Him. This is just one of the ways he shows us His great love for us.
So with this newfound courage, I made my way inside the hospital. By the time I left, I felt so empowered. I had faced my fear--and it felt so good.
Are you letting fear stop you? Are you not pursuing your dreams because you're afraid to fail? Or not loving again because you fear getting hurt or losing someone again? Fear can disguise itself as many things. It may seem unimportant, but if it's left unchecked it can start to interfere with your life.
So today, I encourage you my friends to face your fears. Face them head on! And just remember, you are not facing them alone. You have God's strength that backs you up.
And don't forget to live purposefully!
xx,
Carmen
PS. I also wanted to thank my amazing boyfriend who is always pushing me to face my fears. I'm so blessed to have you in my life.
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