Real Talk: Learning to Trust and Surrender

I remember sitting in a chair next to Fernando’s hospital bed. This had become my spot for the past 30 days since he was admitted to the hospital. For those not familiar with my story, he had been battling stage 4 stomach cancer for nine months and things had taken a turn for the worst. He was so fragile as I watched the cancer consume his body. He only had one week left to live (but I did not know it at the time). As I opened up my bible, this verse came up:

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.”

That same day, one of Fernando’s co-worker had texted me that same verse. And later in the evening, I came across it again. I remember thinking to myself, “Lord, are you trying to prepare me for what is to come?”

Sure enough, this verse has become so significant during my widowhood journey. It has helped carry me through during dark times. TRUST. I’ve learned to trust God with every aspect of my life, even the painful ones. Sometimes part of learning to trust is also learning to surrender. I had to surrender to many of my own dreams--- the dreams of a future, growing old with that person, retiring together. 

Once I surrendered and learned to trust, that is when the true healing began. I felt as if God was slowly picking up the pieces of my heart. There’s no doubt that he has been the one that has carried me this far. You see, God doesn’t want you to stay broken forever. He wants to give you beauty for ashes. Turn your sorrow into joy. If you think about, there’s nothing beautiful about ashes. Scripture says he is going to take those difficult and ugly situations that happen to us (the ashes) and give us beauty.

I’ve seen God’s goodness and faithfulness throughout all of this. Even bringing new love again in my life. He’s turning the ashes into beauty.

I don’t know what you’re walking through today, but my hope is that you know that you are not alone-- I hope that you can slowly surrender the pain, the shattered dreams to the one that is able to carry you through. All we have to do is trust.



xx,
Carmen